just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
