I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
