wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
