i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
