thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
