so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
BRING THE BAGELS
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Randomize
