I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize