thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
