Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
