he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
