I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
