I was born with a shot glass in my hand
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
