Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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