look no pants
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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