pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
