you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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