Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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