She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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