right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
