i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
