she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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