Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
