His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
