i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
