She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
