Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
