just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
