i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
