I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
