Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
