I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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