Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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