We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
