I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
