any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
