You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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