I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
