Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
