sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
