imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
is it fun? or sober?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
