pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
