Yo dont text me then not text me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
