Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
