oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
did i just pee glitter
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
