i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
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