she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
