he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
