my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
