So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
