My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
