Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize