Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
