I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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