I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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