Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
