Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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