I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
