I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
