I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
