This dress was meant to end up on your floor
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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