my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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