So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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