is your mom at the bar?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
