Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize