Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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