screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
