I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fill condoms, not promises.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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