It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
