Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Randomize
