i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
