he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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