she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
