i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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