i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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