DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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