I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
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Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
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I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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