Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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