I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
